If you’re thinking about starting therapy, you might already be asking yourself a deceptively simple question: How do I find the right therapist for me?
Often people ask this at a time when they’re already feeling unsure, vulnerable or overwhelmed — which can make the decision feel even harder.
How should it feel?
Opening up to a therapist about personal and emotional parts of your life works best when you feel:
- listened to and understood
- safe and respected
- taken seriously, without judgement
- able to trust the relationship as it develops
You don’t need to feel an instant “click”, but after an initial conversation or first session, it should feel like this is someone who is present, thoughtful, and emotionally engaged — someone you could imagine working with.
Do I need a therapist who’s like me?
Some people feel more comfortable with a therapist who shares aspects of their identity — such as gender, culture, sexuality, or lived experience. Others don’t feel that’s important at all.
There’s no right or wrong here.
What matters more is whether your therapist is curious about your experience, understands context and difference, and doesn’t make assumptions about you. Sometimes similarity helps people feel understood more quickly; at other times, difference can open up new ways of seeing things. Both can be helpful.
You might pay attention to how a therapist responds when you mention things that matter to you — whether that’s bereavement, menopause, prejudice, being queer, or something else entirely. Their ability to think with you is key.
What kind of therapy do I need?
This can feel confusing, especially with so many options available.
Broadly speaking, counselling, CBT and shorter-term therapies often focus on managing symptoms and finding practical strategies. These approaches can be really helpful for specific difficulties or during life transitions — such as bereavement, work stress, or a particular anxiety.
Psychotherapy tends to be more in-depth and longer-term. It’s often helpful if you’re struggling with longstanding emotional difficulties, repeating patterns in relationships, or a sense that something deeper needs attention.
That said, research shows that the relationship you build with your therapist matters more than the specific approach. Feeling understood, safe and able to think together is what makes the work possible.
Do I need to know exactly what I want?
Not at all.
It can help to have a loose sense of what you’re hoping for — whether that’s short-term support or open-ended exploration, practical tools or deeper understanding — but you don’t need to have it all worked out.
A good therapist will help you think this through with care and curiosity.
Should therapy always feel comfortable?
Therapy shouldn’t feel harsh or judgemental — but it also won’t always feel easy.
Sometimes therapy involves staying with difficult emotions rather than moving quickly away from them. At times, your therapist may gently challenge patterns or beliefs that are keeping you stuck.
This kind of challenge should feel supportive, not critical — in service of your wellbeing rather than against it.
Equally, you’re encouraged to speak up. A good therapist will welcome it if you disagree, feel unsure, or want to clarify something. You don’t need to protect your therapist’s feelings — their focus should stay on you.
Do qualifications matter?
Yes. In the UK, it’s important to check that a therapist is properly trained and registered with a recognised professional body, such as BACP, UKCP, BPC, NCPS, or COSCA (in Scotland).
This tells you they work to ethical standards, receive supervision, and continue their professional development.
Accreditation indicates appropriate training, ethical standards, regular supervision, and ongoing professional development.
What about the first contact?
An initial phone call or enquiry is your chance to get a feel for the therapist. Notice how they respond to you and how you feel during the conversation.
Do they seem present and interested? Do they understand what you’re looking for help with? Do they feel capable and thoughtful?
If you go on to book an initial session, that first meeting will give you a much clearer sense of what working together might feel like — not just intellectually, but emotionally.
A final thought
Finding the right therapist isn’t about finding the “perfect” person. It’s about finding someone who feels like a good enough fit — someone you can think with, feel alongside, and be honest with over time.
And if you’re unsure, that uncertainty itself is something therapy can hold. Often, that’s exactly where the work begins.
If you would like to get in touch with me or discuss whether therapy might be right for you, feel free to each out.