London Therapy Hub
Sexuality
Sexuality is Not Always Fixed or Easily Defined, it Can Shift and Evolve over Time
Sexuality is often spoken about as if it were a single, stable trait—something a person simply “has” and can label once and for all.
Contemporary psychological and sexological thinking challenges this idea, instead understanding sexuality as complex, multidimensional, and shaped by ongoing interactions between bodies, relationships, and social contexts.
One influential contribution to this perspective comes from Sari van Anders and her Sexual Configurations Theory (SCT), which offers a more flexible way of ‘mapping’ sexual experience.
Rather than reducing sexuality to orientation alone (for example, heterosexual, bisexual, or gay), sexuality may be made up of multiple “configurations” that can vary independently.
These include, but are not limited to, who someone is attracted to, the types of sexual or romantic activities they desire, their sense of identity, and the social meanings they attach to their experiences.
Importantly, these elements do not always align neatly. A person might, for instance, experience romantic attraction in one direction, sexual desire in another, and identify in a way that reflects neither completely.
Sexuality is not solely about attraction to others. It includes dimensions such as autoeroticism (sexual feelings directed toward oneself), partner number or structure (for example, preferences for monogamy or non-monogamy), and the distinction between romantic and sexual attraction.
This broader lens allows for a more inclusive understanding of experiences that are often marginalised or overlooked in traditional models.
Sexuality in Context
Another key aspect of SCT is its attention to context. Sexuality is understood as something that is shaped by cultural norms, power dynamics, and personal history. What feels possible, desirable, or acceptable is influenced by the environments in which people live.
This means that sexuality can shift over time—not necessarily because something is “changing at the core,” but because different aspects are becoming more or less visible, accessible, or meaningful in a given context.
From a therapeutic perspective, this approach can be particularly helpful. Many people come to therapy feeling confused or constrained by existing labels, or worried that their experiences do not “fit.”
By moving away from the pressure to define oneself definitively, we can instead invite curiosity about different aspects of sexual experience. This can support us in noticing patterns, contradictions, and possibilities without immediately needing to resolve them.
This way of thinking also aligns with a broader shift in psychotherapy towards holding identity as fluid and evolving.
Rather than asking “What is my sexuality?”, we might ask: “What do I notice about my attractions, desires, and relationships right now?” and “How do these experiences make sense in the context of my life?”
These questions can open up space for self-understanding that is both more nuanced and more compassionate.
Ultimately, viewing sexuality through a broader lens allows for a richer and less restrictive understanding of our experience. Sexuality is landscape made up of many intersecting pathways—each shaped by biology, psychology, and the social world.
If you would like a safe space to explore aspects of your sexuality without judgement, your are welcome to contact me.
Further resources:
Mapping Your Sexuality by Meg-John Barker is a concise, accessible zine that invites a curious and compassionate exploration of sexuality. Instead of focusing on labels, the zine encourages a process of “mapping.”
Readers are guided to reflect on different aspects of their experience—such as attraction, behaviour, identity, fantasy, and values—and to notice how these may or may not align.
The tone is inclusive and non-prescriptive, making space for uncertainty as a valid place to be. This approach provides a gentle starting point for anyone looking to explore their sexuality with openness and care, recognising it not as a problem to solve, but as something to understand over time.
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